Inescapable!

Further to my drivelous post of yesterday...

Hypochondria. Don't know what it is? Google it! Don't know something - just Google it.
Feeling like shyte? Google your symptoms and make you own diagnosis! Anything you want to know is a mere few keystrokes away, what's not to love about that?! Should be great shouldn't it, but there are times when it isn't.

Hypochondria - a health anxiety/ phobia / mental illness where a person has excessive preoccupying concerns for his or her health depite there being no presence of a medical condition. Kind of explains ME! except, what if I pass it off as the anxiety and there really is something wrong? Gah.
True to the nature of Hypochondria where the health concern is typically limited to a particular 'issue', sometimes 2, Mine is the big C.

The problem? It's inescapable! I can do everything I possibly can (and I'd like to think I am) and still not escape it! I can improve my diet but that doesn't stop it from entering the mind! If the mind itself is a very pervasive tool, the media is probably moreso! Somebody of notable popularity dies of the big C, & it's on the news - hour after hour after hour - then it's on TV!!!!! Pick up a magazine & there it is nestled in the glossy pages of galloping gossip. Borrow a fab book from the library just to have it turn to crap at page 453. No radio, no TV, no magazines, no interweb, no fictitious Chick-Lit. Oh, no socialising either just incase someone refers to someone else who has/had it. Pretty hard to escape it when you look at it like that! and time to find a new hobby too!

Shyte.

Up until just a little over a week ago, things have been pretty damn good. I went to the Dr's on the 19th for a routine wart cauterization & was sent off with a form for fasting bloods to be done. Come the 22nd, I got them done & have virtually felt like crap since! It feels like every day I've woken up with a headache & since Thursday gone, my gut has felt like rubbish too. I haven't as yet heard any results of my blood tests & invariably no news is good news in this department - my Dr's are very good at calling if something needs putting right BUT.....
I've probably said it before - that I have issues with anxiety & depression & if I have, sorry, I'm saying it again. I know that on the 24th I had a small amount of something that probably could/would have triggered the initial headache. My issue now is wether this is now stress/anxiety related or something much more serious. In typical Amber style, the worst case senario invaribly seems to be the best option for my pathetic little brain to grasp hold of - until proven otherwise.
The brain is a very powerful organ - one that is capable of orchestrating the functions of the whole body with fine presicion. It's also a very powerful organ in terms of thought control. In terms of people that are mentally balanced, this isn't such a bad thing but when you're stressed/anxious/depressed, it's not a good thing at all because that brain can convince you of all manner of things that may or may not be happening. Which is were I am now. A major part of me says that my symptoms indicate a brain tumor, another part of me thinks it's just stress & I've overthought the whole thing and got anxious over it. A third part is trying to tell me that maybe it's menopause messing me around. I read that some say that your mother's age is an indicator for when you're likely to go through menopause but for me at 37, that's another 10 years away. I do have a paternal aunt that was done with the whole deal by 45 though.

I feel like a plane in a holding pattern running out of fuel.

BTW, I have called the Dr's today to find out my results - still waiting for a return call.

edit.
I have just had my return call - everything is fine. Blood Sugars - fine. Cholesterol total level a bit high but my ratio's are very good, Liver Function - fine too & the lovely nurse said that everything else was fine too so why oh why do I feel like shyte?

Where was I?

If it doesn't snow it pours - and it seemingly has. Today is the first day that I've had to myself this week & it's nice to just dress up a little and go out for a coffee!
Now, as I said in my last post, I was going to do a review (of sorts) so without further ado (drum roll please.....)

I spent 4 weeks in the company of this library book - the first of which I just spent salivating over the glossy photo's. My initial reactions were that this was a great book - something to get me into the swing of being more Primal. I loved that each recipe had it's own photograph on the opposite page so you could see what the dish was supposed to look like.

From all the recipes, I made just 3 - Cave Ketchup, Sheepishly Good Meatballs & Morning Glory Muffins (twice).

In making the Sheepishly Good Meatballs, I should have first made the Tomato Sauce but instead, stupid ol' me made the Cave Ketchup instead. It involved significantly less cooking was my justification at the time & I figured I could just add to capsicums as I went along. I then made the Meatballs - which went fine until I chucked them in the oven to keep warm. The little blighters shrunk significantly on me!! of course they would - mushrooms do that after a while.  My mushroom detesting kids enjoyed the meal, I had a dose of reflux so wasn't happy at all. The Morning Glory muffins, I have made twice.

not a great photo but I was hungry!

They freeze well and can be re-heated a little to allow for butter too. I've had them for breakfasts, morning teas, lunches, afternoons teas and desserts! I would make them again tomorrow - but I'd have to get the book from the library again! There's a recipe in there for Coconut Flour Tortillas and a Basic Bread Loaf too so chances are, I'll get the book out again.
Would I buy it though? Not convinced yet.

There was one thing I didn't particularly like about this book however - no serving sizes. I searched high & low, reading the introductory pages over & over trying to find something I had overlooked, but I couldn't find anything suggesting how many serves a particular recipe might make.

************************************************************************************

I have not forgotten the recipe that I wanted to share either. It's not my recipe though and should be just a treat and probably not an everyday treat either! I stumbled across this recipe for Primal Fudge one day on my amble through Pinterest (very addictive, do not go there). The resulting little morsels are rather addictive too, so maybe don't make them for yourself either - but you are more than welcome to make them for ME!! (pffft).
I make these in an icecube tray and get more like 16-18 serves & store them in the freezer - in this heat, they soften easily.

little morsels of antioxidant goodness!

And after all that, I wonder why I'm gaining weight?



 

Bumbling along

Nothing wild to report I'm afraid, just a post for the sake of a post I guess.

Here is what I'm up to at the moment:
Start with a little Jillian......

I somehow doubt that I'm going to have a six-pack in 6 weeks - I think Jillian forgot to account for the generous overlying fat layer!

Followed by -

And finishing with this

 

 

By the time I've finished with Jillian (or she's finished with me) I'm dripping in sweat, mind you, I'm doing it in a closed up house running at around 26 degrees. An hour later I think I've finally stopped sweating!

 

Oh, see those lovely little dumbells those 'bimbo's' (only 'cause I'm jealous!) are using? I'd like you to meet mine!

 

 

The weights themselves were supposed to be casting weights for DH - donated by the local scrap metal merchant whom DH is on good terms with - but DH found something better, so I flogged them. The bars are steel tube cut to different lengths (weren't made at the same time) with collars welded on so that the weights can't slip onto my hands & then held in place with hose clamps of all things! All because $25 is too much to spend on proper bars. Changing weights is tedious & requires a screwdriver so I've kept with the weights that were on there when DH assembled them - weight of the bars are unknown, but there's 3.5kg of weights!

 

 

Enough from me today, but I have another reveiw in the pipeline - this time a Recipe book AND a recipe that I found & I'd like to share!

 

Libertea

A Couple of weeks ago I was made aware of Libertea. Libertea is a New Zealand made 'soft-drink' if you like, made with a base of Green Tea flavouerd natually & sweetened with Stevia. Sounds great & seemed to fit the Primal bill to start with. So here's my thoughts....

Libertea has 3 variants under it's wee umbrella - Rosehip & Mint, Grapefruit & Lemon and Lemon & Ginger.

Rosehip & Mint.

Ingredients: Carbonated infusion of filtered water, herbal tea(26%)(rosehip, mint, hibiscus blossom), organic green tea(13%), lemon juice from concentrate, preservative (potassium sorbate), natural intense sweetner (stevia).

First glance it all looks ok, second glance- just above the ingredient list, it says 'Expect some sediment' so why use concentrated lemon juice? why not just use the real thing? The preservative is not ideal either in the sense that it IS a preservative.

Taste: Rosehip kind of says it all & I had no idea what a rosehip would/should taste like except to say I was expecting something 'floral'. I got floral - vaguely. I got mint - vaguely. There's a subtle sweetness from the stevia but it's not cloying or even lingering - it's there & then it's gone. The whole beverage seemed fine in the mouth once swallowed, left the mouth with no lasting memories.
It was a nice cool refreshing drink to return to after the cycle I had that afternoon.

Cost: $3.99

Grapefruit & Lemon

Ingredients: Carbonated infusion of filtered water, organic green tea(33%), grapefruit juice from concentrate(6%), lemon juice from concentrate(2.7%), preservative (potassium sorbate),tumeric, natural intense sweetner (stevia).

Same issues on the use of concentrates & the preservative.

Taste: Citrusy but not enough for my liking I guess, I found the flavours a bit vague here too although probably my pick out of the 3. Again, very nice to drink after a pedal around the park.

Cost: $3.99

Lemon & Ginger

Ingredients: Carbonated infusion of filtered water, organic green tea(33%), lemon juice from concentrate(2.7%), crushed ginger root(1.2%), preservative (potassium sorbate), natural intense sweetner (stevia).

Taste: A hint of lemon & a wee ginger burn. Lacked the intensity that I was sort of expecting/hoping for. I did continue tasting this once for several hours as it repeated on me & the ginger was much stronger!

Cost:$3.99

My opinion: The flavours off all 3 were too vague for me. I like punchy flavours that linger a little in the mouth to remind me of what I've just had. In hindsight, there was another flavour that stood out in three beverages - for me it was like fizzed, unflavoured SodaStream water; some might like this, but I'm afraid I don't fall into that category. I did however appreciate that the beverages were only sweetened subtly. As far as cost goes, for $3.99, I'd expect more - of something! Would I buy it again out of choice - no, but if it was offered to me, I would drink it.

My apologies for the fuzzy pics taken with my phone, I keep telling myself that one day I'll catch up with technology!

Between the Bedsheets.....

A Conversation with the DH last night after calling myself  'fat & wrinkly'.

"You're not fat" (DH)
"Ok, not fat, overweight" (me)
"You do realise that you'll never have a 6pack (DH)
"Why can't I try?(me)
"You're too old, you're bigger, let's face it, we both are" (DH)
"Well, if you think you're fat now, what were you back then." (DH meaning 2008)
"Obese" (me)
"So back when we met, you used to wear skimpy clothes, you don't anymore!"(DH)
 "No, It's not sending the right image to 'xyz'"(me - 'xyz' - not her real name, is our DD)
"But you used to....."(DH)
"Yeah, but I don't like what I see right now" (me)

The conversation went on a little then ended rather abruptly by me saying "......I know you love me for what I am now, But I don't love Me".
Absolute stony silence from the DH.
First I was blown away by his comment that that'll I'll never have a 6pack, I've had 2 kids, my abs are wrecked from that according to him, I'm older (hello dear, only 36!) so there's no point trying! His reaction to my last comment was something else again & probably quite telling of the situation that I've found myself in for the past couple of years trying to get back to where I was in 2010 if I remember rightly. My DH is from a family of 'larger' women. All his paternal aunt's are larger, & his mother&father aren't exactly svelte either. I think the concept of me being slimmer scares him so his support in what I'm doing is virtually non exsistant. Only time will tell if I get more support from him as time goes on - hopefully, with what I'm doing, I can improve my own body image. Maybe then I CAN wear skimpier clothes! Don't worry, I don't subscribe to the latest trend of wearing shorts so short that the pocket linings hang out the bottom or, worse still, the 'bottom' hanging out the bottom!

Stumped at every turn

Sometimes things are sent to try us & some of us take more trying than others. It seems that I get foiled at nearly every turn. Take the smoked salmon I've had twice this week -contains sugar! What about the Chow Mein I had last weekend (thinking it might have been a 'safer' option) aka how to gain 2kg overnight! I'm itching for a stirfry but I'm used to making them with soy sauce. I swear that every soy sauce has wheat in it. Yup, I know that soy isn't Primal, but a decent fermented soy apparently becomes more bio-available (or something) - if only I could get hold of some. I guess somewhere in little ol' New Zealand, we could probably get coconut aminos but from what I've heard, you either like it or loathe it & if I'm knocking up a stir-fry, I have to consider the random tastebuds of my other half too.

image courtesy of the internet!

The importance of staying away from weighing everyday/week, is often emphasised in a number of different websites that I use for reference. Far better to focus on what you put in your mouth & how you feel rather than hopping on the scales each morning (guilty) or worse still each even as well (guilty). During the first couple of weeks of the year I managed infrequent weigh-ins which was good - liberating almost, but with the event of that rouge takeaway, I'm back to weighing daily - just to make sure that the weight IS actually coming back off again - I mean, up until yesterday, I was heavier than my start weight on Jan 1!

image courtesy of the internet!

Exercise is important. Unfortunately it takes a deal of concious effort on my part to make it happen. Ususally once I get going I'm fine, it's getting started that's the problem! I was hoping to get quite a bit of kayaking in, but we've been out twice as it's quite windy lately, that & the tide has to be right or we have to wade through mudflats - blergh. So my darling has rigged up this bike for me. Honest, it's an old clunker with 1 gear out of 20? that work. It's all of about 20 years old! I have a new bike on my birthday wish list but I'm just as likely to get a new kitchen gadget which in itself isn't a bad thing but it'd be quite nice to have something just for me.

image courtesy of the internet!

Using you brain is important - apparently. Pity I didn't get the memo! I didn't use mine to remember sunblock when I took the kids to the beach the other day. The kids almost came off scott free whilst I have the 'delights' of sunburn to the point that the DH is scared to hug me. I'm pissed at my stupidity.

Week 2 + 2

Week 2 started out fine - until Saturday & then it just fell to pieces. It started with a small party for my ds's birthday. I'd taken them all swimming at the local pools & bought them home again for some party food but had neglected to prepare myself something. My lunch consisted of a handful of potato wedges, about 7 cocktail sausages, 3 eggs & and afternoon nap. The following day, we had another party. Ds had asked for pizza's so I bought some, & made some as well. I shared my one with my sister when I probably could have eaten the whole thing myself & then promptly scarfed 2 pieces of bought pizza & 3 pieces of birthday cake. Monday I scoffed a couple of chocolates, Tuesday I had birthday cake & chocolates & yesterday I devoured the lion's share of the remainder of the box! Yes, I am only human, but THAT was appalling!
I hate to think of the damage that my scales might indicate but I'm not going to that place!

I now have a scant 4 weeks until my own birthday - mercifully, it's during the week so there's no prolonged partying but in that time I need to put some serious work/effort into myself rather than me putting effort into other people.

I'm off for a ride around the park with the kids between the showers.

Week 1!

I've made it through my first week with a more primal focus. So how did I do?
I threw out the Splenda for starters - not that I used it much anyway, but still, it's gone.
In some aspects, having a primal focus hasn't been much different to my method of low carbing - even then I tried eat as much 'natural' food as possible. I couldn't see the point in consuming foods with ingredient lists as long as my arm & with words that were sometimes tounge twisters. Yes, what I'm doing now has just made the list of acceptable foods significantly smaller. Yup. Now I have a challenge on my hands - how to make my food taste just as good as it did 2 weeks ago! I'll admit that I like good food, nay, I love good food BUT I love good food that OTHER people cook. I don't phaff around when I'm cooking for my family - or myself. The other 3 members don't appreciate the effort of phaff & by the time I'm done sorting them out, I've had enough so things stay pretty basic.

Primal Kills - Kitchen Appliance
You read right! I was trying to make some 'balls' with nuts & dates & I managed to completely knacker the bearings in my multi-whizzy thingee. Poor DH just about lost it when it started screaming. Not impressed and it's absence was sorely missed by dinner time!

Balls of Yum

Last night we had burgers for dinner  - problem! Burgers need sauce & nothing in the fridge even closely resembles tomato sauce suitable for a primal diet so what to do? Make some! I think I threw about 6 smallish beefsteak tomatos (really weird - they had no seeds!) into a pot with 2 cloves of garlic, a bit of fresh oregano & rosemary along with 4 peppercorns & cooked until it was a mushy slurry. Since the multi-whizzy thingee threw it's toys out of the cot, I had to pour the whole lot through a sieve & mash it around so I was only left with solids. Something was missing so I chopped up half a Granny Smith apple & tossed that in. Granny Smith's are supposed to be cooking apples BUT I think they took umbridge to being cooked with tomatoes & really didn't soften much at all. Re-enter the sieve & repeat the process, reduced it a bit further & I had a really nice sauce for my 'burger'.

My simple tomato sauce!

Finally I got on my bike today. I told my DH the other day that with the small size seat, it was going to get lost 'somewhere'. By the time I'd been on the bike half an hour, it certainly felt like it was doing a damn fine job of getting lost in 'that' place. I imagine getting back on that bike tomorrow is going to be a bit of a pain - literally. No pain, No gain ey?

I Don't Think I Thought!

Primal is going to be tough when I consider some of the basic elements without even going into any detail. Natural should be easy enough. Organic would be too if it weren't for one thing - a little thing for some, but for me/us (as a family) it's a BIG thing. A growing young family with a mortgage on a single income that barely scrapes 50K. We manage fine as we are but the difference in costs to go organic are going to work out prohibitive. Does that mean I can't be Primal? Could do if you're a purist! So instead of quitting, I might have to change my subtitle so it reads 'The Hungry Puku - Supermarket Primal' at least until the kids have left home! I consol myself by thinking that it's at least a step in the right direction.

I've been contemplating my pantry this morning looking for contraband. Soy Sauce. I'll replace it with Tamari! No I won't - the Soy is made with wheat, the Tamari with soy. Worchestershire sauce? hmmmm I spy sugar & what's spirit vinegar? The mustard contains sugar & the Splenda must go in the bin. Tomato sauce is off limits. The bacon I just ate for lunch - better not buy that again either Oh, & my favourite 2 seasonings - Garlic Salt & Garlic Pepper - both have rice flour! Rice Flour? Seriously? Last night's dinner would have been significantly improved by the addition of one (or both) of them. I can see me having to spend more time in the kitchen working out how to make my meals taste better!

Exercise is also important in going Primal & exercise is not something I'm particularly fond of with the exception of kayaking. I love it. Yesterday we were out for a casual paddle with the kids (1 adult + 1 child in a 1 person kayak) & the kids had a bit of a swim before we returned - not particularly hard work. Today the wind was stronger & it was a bit harder (considering the heavier child wanted to share my kayak) 2 hours from our start point to the Greenhithe Bridge & back paddling all the way first into the wind & then against the tide. The OH & I discussed the feasibility of fishing the creek for Kawhai or Snapper as we went along. I'm ready for a nap!

New Year, New Start

It's been 2 years since I last posted. That sounded remarkably like a confession! but no words are going to absolve me from what I have become - only action will do that!
It's 2013 & time for a fresh start. What's a girl to do? Something, Anything!
I've done 2 years of hard out Low Carb, followed by 2 years of phaffing - sometimes low carb, sometimes moderate & even some throwing caution to the wind & it's not put me in a good place. It's not helped by the people close to me saying that I'm fine - because I know I'm not!

Shame!

Yikes!

So, here I am in all my blatant grossness glory. I was 2kg heavier a week ago but hey, it's 2013 now - not a week ago! I am 80.8kg and ready to do something a bit more 'Primal' than 'Low Carb'.
It doesn't seem like it should be a big transition from one to the other but knowing me, I'll probably make mountains out of molehills!

I refuse to fail.